goldenboy

For my friends: I have this impulse that tells me I should put down these two paragraphs from Eckhart Tolle’s Book The Power of Now, which I am reading at present.

“You are cut off from Being as long as your mind takes up all your attention. When this happens- and it happens continuously for most people- you are not in your body. The mind absorbs all your consciousness and transforms it into mind stuff. You cannot stop thinking. Compulsive thinking has become a collective disease. Your whole identity, as it is no longer rooted in Being, becomes a vulnerable and ever-needy mental construct, which creates fear as the predominant underlying emotion. The one thing that truly matters is then missing from your life: awareness of your deeper self- your invisible and indestructible reality.

To become conscious of Being, you need to reclaim consciousness from the mind. This is one of the most essential tasks on your spiritual journey. It will free vast amounts of consciousness that previously had been trapped in useless and compulsive thinking. A very effective way of doing this is simply to take the focus of your attention away from thinking and direct it into the body, where Being can be felt in the first instance as the invisible energy field that gives life to what you perceive as the physical body.”

For more check out the article at: http://members.surfeu.fi/wpk/links/Tolle/prac5.htm

Yesterday when I started writing in my diary, I wanted to list down all those things that I should be grateful for in life right now. I made a list that included all the few close people I have in my life at the moment, friends and friends circle, my journey and my sessions in therapy, my life in Mira Rd, the warmth of having mom around that’s something I value in this homecoming, her happiness as she visits her home again (Kerala) every evening as she watches her favourite soap operas and news on Malayalam TV channels  (I remember how excited and confident she was on that after-30-years-visit to her hometown a few years ago)… all of which I only dreamt of since I was a lonely teenager.

And all of a sudden I realized how life had brought me everything that I ever longed for… friends, my journey, my mom’s happiness, a beautiful quiet township (as Mira Rd is), my own independence (which I lived and live), etc etc.

All my life I had been preparing to live. I dreamt of having friends someday. I dreamt of having sex someday. I dreamt of being independent someday. I dreamt of seeing my mom happy someday. And today I have all these. And it really took me time and effort (and perhaps Grace too) to really find that, “Hey aren’t these the very things I always longed for?” Perhaps life was waiting for me to acknowledge that she has brought my dreams come true.

I took a break from asking for more (in terms of dreams like a new partner, a new career etc.) two years ago. And just yesterday, in my moments of leisure and no real activity- I could fathom all that life had given to me now, all that I had ever wanted since childhood.