A mail I wrote to my therapist today..
Thanks for the reply. Yes, I want to face whatever fears there are, as you said.
It is rather strange that I should be talking about choice now, infact about no-choice and only yesterday I happened to read an article on Niropa’s song of Mahamudra in which the author mentioned J.Krishnamurti’s concept of Choiceless Awareness. Perhaps it is our way of discriminating between what we want (that which gives us pleasure) and what we don’t want (that which our minds do not find desirable, or has a dislike for, or which causes discomfort)…. all leading to Duality, Conflict….If we take whatever comes and whatever we have to do without Discrimination, if we are Open to everything without wanting to strictly Control our path or what life gives us… ie. if we say I have no choice I take up whatever comes without discrimination… perhaps we can be more open.
I see the point. And ofcourse co-incidentally Life wants me to embrace this choiceless path, she is leaving me with no options.
So there… Words if I just write them, true insight if I follow. I know.
Just a short while ago I wrote to Uma that I want to take on life with no choices. Meaning I have decided that I will no longer separate what I want and what I don’t want… just take up what comes up and what I have to do… like take up a job and take on the consequences etc.
Yesterday night, it dawned on me that my ‘colours’ (my term for the feelings that colour one’s psyche at a period of time) are so deep and so powerful. (For eg. atleast to me, when I look at my writings, the colours seem very striking.) And for a moment I wondered if it was good or bad for me. And then I remembered something that my therapist had said once, “Even if it is a ‘negative’ feeling, remember that it is a form of life energy within you. So even if you are feeling (for eg.) jealousy, remember that it is life energy that you are feeling”… or something to that effect.
So yes. Maybe my emotions are very strong. Perhaps it only means, my life energy is Alive…