Finally I get it…
Hi Uma,
Finally I get the time to write to you.
As I sms-ed you other day, I hardly find time to spend with myself. Even if I do, usually on weekends, my mind races ahead of me.. and I can hardly sit at one place… I have a thousand chores to attend to; and soon enough… I find that the weekend has passed by and I have hardly relaxed.
Along the week, my sexual appetite stirs up, and again I find myself impulsively drawn to men who seem to be sure about themselves, or are poetic or intelligent. And again I long for a stormy affair… that will sweep me off my feet.
This has been going hence, since more than a month now.
Today, after a hectic morning… (I did nothing of purport, just fooled myself into believing I need to rush about to get things done, when all I needed was to relax).. I settled down to put my last night’s dream onto my blog. While the website opened, I browsed busily to one of the other websites I used to frequent before I got this job.. www.livingtantra.net wherein I read a beautiful piece on Meditation. Meditation… as you have shown me to meditate.
The piece speaks of how we try to escape all the Anger, Pain and Awareness by taking refuge in Illusion and fantasy… Perhaps, I found my answers in this piece of article. The Anger, pain and my impatience with an uneventful (read uncontrolled) life is the cause of all the restlessness in my life at present. I know I need to let go (as you have told me time and again) and look at life as it comes, without reacting so dramatically to it.
Perhaps everyone in our group should read the piece on Meditation at Shambavi’s site. I am providing the link down here..
http://www.livingtantra.net/2006/04/meditation_unpl.html
Much Love,
Suresh
