I’ve been going through this wonderful blog that I found on the Internet. It is www.geekslut.org I have fallen in love with the way he writes, and have started worshipping him. His words are charged with erotica, even though there are subtle feelings underneath what he writes. That makes his blog really adorable.
However for those who aren’t gay… Beware before you open the blog I have been digging in the past few days now… the blog contains sexually explicit language.
The other day, a friend cooed on the phone about how his new relationship has turned him monogamous etc. And I met a gay counselor who said, “Being possessive to an extent is ok.”
All this stuff about Gay relationships- top, bottom, possessive, monogamy, polygamy … I feel there is absolutely more to relationships than that to two people coming together wanting to wake up with each other every morning, or perhaps not even living together.
After two stormy affairs, and high-doses of love, pain and all the drama… I do wonder if I really need to change Counselors or just sink in with the gradual change that has set in in my perspective over the past two years, that has also helped me come to terms with the world as it is. There are times when I wonder if I have become cynical about gay relationships? And then I wonder if I have just become more mature.
The most intimate guy in my life right now, is my lover and beloved, but there is no commitment between us. We don’t live together and don’t meet each other for over two weeks at times. He doesn’t stop me when I feel like going to bed with another guy. And I don’t give a damn if he is sleeping with other guys. We enjoy each other’s company but hardly find time to spend much with each other. He pushes me now and then when I need to be pushed in life, and tells me the truths about myself which I would rather sweep down the carpet and pretend do not exist. He cares for me, and I care for him. We both may in the future end up in separate relationships, and yet none of us is worried about that.
And I am satisfied. Happy with the way things are. Content with my anti-depressants and my routine work-life at the Call Center.
The only true relationship in the Universe perhaps is , as Shambhavi says in her blog www.livingtantra.net the relationship with oneself. And that’s the journey, of finding yourself first. And as you proceed on the journey, there would be people who will come and go. Relationships and affairs. All that matters in the journey, is how open you are to allow it all to happen, so that you can live life to the full and help in the process of opening up of your destiny and life. Awareness, Stillness, and being open to learn new things about life are the only tools you will have.
Will be going to the Ashram next month, for three days. Would have my Shaktipat Diksha. Been reading “The Zahir”, a wonderful book by Paulo Coelho and recommended by Uma. I recommend the book highly to everyone.