I need my Shrink to tell me what is wrong
Alright. So my shrink does not want to see me anymore. He wants me to see his “colleague” nearer home. And all my refusals, and insistence on continuing the treatment under him has fallen on deaf ears.
I did not go to office on 4 different days last month. And that has landed me in a soup at the office. The boss is apprehensive that I have been busy attending job-interviews elsewhere. When the truth is that on those mornings the blues were so severe, that I just couldn’t get out of bed. And the rest of the day I tortured myself with guilt, for not having lived up to the expectations, for having taken a day’s leave.
Prayers help me when I am awake. However when the alarm clock rings in the morning, and I am deep into the blues- all prayers are forgotten.
I give my best at work. And my boss knows that I can deliver what he expects of me at the job. So just when it was my turn to collect my salary-cheque in his cabin (I had waited for that moment for days!!), he put across a condition that he wouldn’t let me the cheque unless I surrender my passport to him for a year (his is a sole-proprietorship firm).
Friends and colleagues say it would be foolish if I do that. So today I refused to part with my passport. I was told I would now be paid only on the 15th (everyone else got it on the 4th working day of this month).
The Landlord would be here in a couple of days to collect his rent (last month’s rent is already due). What shall I say to him? I have borrowed so much from friends now, that it would be quite unfair to ask for more from them.
I called up my Psychiatrist, insisted that he finally let me know what’s wrong with my mental health, instead of telling me that normally I just “choose” not to work etc.
On much insistence he tries to get me off his back, by telling me that I am suffering from “Chronic Depression”. I surf the Net, and find there is more to my condition than listed under the symptoms of Chronic Depression.
By sms, I ask for information about my Personality Disorder. My doctors replies that it is too complex to be “put in a pigeon-hole”. I sms him my email-ID so that Megabytes of space is available for him to express.
However, he is already out-of-town by then, and I receive an sms stating “message failed”.
As a patient, I believe it is my right to obtain information from the doctor about my condition (medical name, consequences, line of treatment, alternate lines of treatment, side-effects of medicines etc.). Telling me that I am plain lazy, and then later when passing me over to a “colleague” doctor “nearer home”, trying to get away with the providing of information to me about my own condition by vaguely describing it as “Chronic Depression”, or “too complex a disorder to pigeon-hole” etc., is a violation of my Rights as a patient.
I need to know, after more than 2 years of Psychiatric treatment now, what exactly am I being treated for. What is the name of my depression in medical terms, for which I am being given psychiatric drugs? What is the name of my disorder in their vocabulary, and if there isn’t a name, an explanation of the same.
Taking me for granted, and telling me that I am plain lazy to push me to get up and going (or whatever “saintly” motives he has) is wrong. Especially so when my incapacity to function normally returns periodically. I have been through this cycle of pushing myself and joining a new job and then lapsing again into same episodes of absence and blues, for more than 4-6 years now. How long before my spirit just gives up and I feel there is no hope out of the vicious circle?
If I was being treated for depression, he should have told me so, and also what kind of depression.
I want to tell him that I will not continue with psychiatric treatment unless I am given full and accurate information about his diagnosis of my condition, especially when I see no respite: the same old blues/ phobia recurs, worsening so much at times that my work is affected despite all his drugs.
The traditional old way of Indian doctors of writing prescriptions and scowling at the patient, when asked about information related to his condition, is unfair.
I Object and need the Information NOW.
P.S. Anyone who can further advise me on options and my rights to procure information related to my records/ diagnosis or line of treatment from the doctor… mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org I will be very much grateful (as web-surfing hasn’t helped me much)