Life, lust and nightmares (that’s me in the photograph)
(that’s me in the pic above)
“Kehne ko saath apne ek duniya chalti hai
Par chupke is dil mein tanhai palti hai”
To say, there is a world walking with me
But loneliness lies hidden in my heart…
Life as it is now
Life has never betrayed me, unlike people.
Life brought me people from far away shores, and things from distant lands. Life never betrayed me.
So it took a scared scared kid from a cage into the big big world. Life brought to me love, pleasures, gifts, lovers, and friends.
Life never betrayed me.
And now I look forward to what next it has in store for me.
Life, guide me.
-x-x-x-
The weekend
As every other weekend, these two days were lazy; I hardly did anything than eat, sleep, watch TV, and more sleep. This takes away all the stress and physical tiredness that I have to bear the entire weekend.
On weekends, I can hear the sweet birds of Mira Road and enjoy the peace of my colony. Then there is my visit to Qamar’s cyber and the long hours of surfing here.
Mom’s around and that makes it all the more special. I buy different things for her, fruits and junkfood, footwear and clothes. And I feel good that I am finally earning money again and spending it on good things.
-x-x-x-
The nightmares continue
Today morning I woke up after a long series of dreams. The first ones were of joys of a straight life, with a female colleague (with whom I argue the most, and whom I hate the most) featuring as a loving wife to me, bearing my child…!!!
Next was back to my childhood house in Bandra. The apartment on 2nd floor. There are male prostitutes, finest of men from the mid-east and west, making love with the family! And it seemed ok, as if lust was one simple need and we had bought the men in wholesale for the whole of the family to enjoy. And I made love to the black guy and the white one, as my siblings had their share of fun. And it all seemed so ok, with the doors and windows open.
Next I heard announcements of floods, and water flooding through the streets around our building. My mom and elder sister (she looked all the more younger and more beautiful) sat around. There was a hush though. Like the lull before the storm. And then it happened.
Waters flooded the streets, (like 11th of July monsoons). But this time, the flood crossed the ground floors, then the first and then reached our house. Sister was calm. It seemed she didn’t bother. Mom ran out excited like a child, looking at elephants who held their trunks high on the flooded streets as they drowned in the rising waters. I pulled my mom by her hand and ran up the corridors to the 2nd floor, where we stood in the balcony as I showed her what madness she displayed when she ran to the 1st floor, which was now submerged and so were the elephants, air bubbles and lisped sounds of the elephants trumpet rose up from beneath the water.
The water levels rise, and reach my nose-levels, until it has risen so much that I could hardly breathe and begin to suffocate. I feel sad for my mom, as thoughts of her hit my mind and I want to help her. I jump up holding on to something. I search for mom. She’s safe.
And then there is anger. Anger at the way people seem to accept the imminent death. I roar in anger, and run to search for empty bottles, and tie them round my mom. I don’t want her to drown.
My sweet sweet mom.
And then, we are on the streets as the waters subside, but there are announcements being made about the flooding about to happen again. I see the roads left damaged by the waters, but shops open up slowly, and I wonder where are all the corpses, perhaps rotting in the homes that were once abuzz with live people.
And I want to protect myself and my family. That’s the only thing on my mind, as I run around to gather/buy everything I can to keep my family safe.
-x-x-x-
Now
I spend the entire day in the house, and feel like a freak as I walk to Qamar’s cyber café to surf the net after 10pm.
