goldenboy

“This body is Perishable

You are too.”

Those were the two lines that struck me, as I was traveling in the Mumbai Local a few days ago.

And though I might have read those lines in some text on Bhagavad Gita many times earlier, when the thoughts struck me that morning on my way to work; they seemed to come carrying a profound meaning.

Earlier here, I had expressed how I was living burdened with phobia and fears. And that morning, my mind in its usual excursions had pondered what could be the worst that I would have to face if I was attacked again by a group of people or were sacked from where I live.

Perhaps the worst consequence, the root of all our fears is Death- The fear of Extinction. And with the two lines commenting on our mortality in such a simple way, it did strike at the root of my fear that day. And somehow I have lost the fears I had roamed with thence.

-x-x-x-

In my talk with Uma in a recent session, I spoke about how feeble my own life seemed considering that our lives are but just a speck in the vast continuum of time. So much so that tales of people who made their mark in history have been lost in folk tales and myths. Human memory over the generations remembers history no more than a hundred years old.

So why clamor after so trifle a thing as Fame. Could it be the ultimate achievement?

What is the stuff that dreams are made of- Dreams that lead heroes to enter history, to win princesses, princesses to marry kings of great repute?

Also was discussed my hidden love for Death. Somehow all this while I have secretly nurtured the fantasy of finding freedom in the luxury of Death. It seemed to enchant me with its unending serenity and nothingness.

And then came up the dream that had visited me a few nights ago wherein I had rend my own father.

Uma opines that the dream was significant, since I probably associated my problems with my manhood in my subconscious. So there is a new way I need to redefine manhood, being a man.

Also, as for dreams, I need to be Still and go deeper to find what is my stuff for dreams, which would make it a passionate and delightful journey in my quest of the realization of my dreams. Dreams that might not put me in history books, but would serve the purpose of living.

The Vortex that had just once in my life, nine years ago, took me in its fold… this amazing “Person” with profound intelligence that had come and washed me, making me cry and cry, ending up in great outbursts of love within my heart… seemed to linger close. There it was touching me, signaling its presence to me. (Uma opined that it is the Life force)

I somehow couldn’t be open enough for Him to take me. And had to leave with the hope that I will meet Him again soon, living in it perpetually…

There is another Death, that can free me… apart from the Death that should eventually come to all life that is born. The small small deaths of a millions of Sureshs that are not me. The deaths of many of my self-identifications. The deaths of my past.

Tomorrow is the Hindu festival of Holi. It signifies the burning of all that is Wrong and old, and the immortality of the Right (Truth) and the Good.

Tomorrow as I will offer Jaggery in the sacred fire, I will be wishing for those thousand deaths within me, for the emergence of my true Self to take over. Tomorrow I will be making a wish at Holi.

Happy Holi and Rang Panchami to you all…