Published on October 14, 2005 on this blog
Early morning. 7am. Mom’s in the kitchen. I’m in my room, in a ‘pancha’ around my waist, massaging myself with the golden oil (sesame) before bath. I think about turning on the Music Channel on TV, but then something within me stops me and I turn back to the open window, my hands gliding to and fro over my body, playing with the oil.
I’m in my own world. Now-a-days it’s a super-problem scheduling my day, not because I have too much of work but because I have virtually no work.
My gaze stops at the coconut tree outside the window. It’s tall enough to reach the second floor of our building but not quite as tall.
I observe the coconut tree from the top. The lines and colours, the dark green edges of the leaves against the light green grass underneath.
Shapes and forms register in my mind, carve impressions. Then I notice the details: the center of the tree, leaflet midribs, the leaflets, the flower sheath, the flowers, stalk of bunch, the mature fruits, the coconuts. And a myna perched right at that center. And all of it forms the most perfect picture I have ever seen!
The myna seemed to be as much a part of the imagery as the leaflets and the fruits, no separate entities. For that moment she was as much a part of the tree; as if the tree would be incomplete without her. She tweaked her beak amongst her tiny wings (god knows for what), looked around, and kept my attention fixed on her movements, amongst the background of the swaying leaflets. The morning sun too added different light and shades to the image.
These play of colours and lines seemed to me like a grand Opera- Nature narrating a story of Epic proportions, in Silence and harmony. And peace.
And it dawned on me that if I could sit and watch it for ages, I would gain all the Wisdom there is to know.
“You will learn about love, just looking at Nature!” Uma had told me in one of our private sessions. I had dismissed it with raised eyebrows then and there, as something beyond me. I didn’t know what the lady was talking about.
But now, this picture of Nature before me seemed pregnant. It seemed there was a silent learning taking place. It was like an open book of Wisdom with no words in it.
As I became aware of this sudden contact, between me and Nature, I clicked right out of it. My Mind wanted me to look at other things at home, think of things on its agenda for the day.
But the colours outside, the greens; pulled me toward them, as if asking me to ignore the demands of my Mind. My breaths were now short and shallow, and I felt Energy within my body wanting to explode, wanting to reach out once more. Like a lovelorn lover I had to turn back to the picture outside once again.
I stood still as the beauty of Nature took me in its fold. This time; I heard my skin speak, then my heart, my chest, legs and then the whole body
And suddenly, I was a part of the Orchestra too. I was one amongst them. I was a part of the picture. The edges had blurred, and the lines sharpened. Images merged perfectly one into another. I felt free of the constraints of my body. I was now the leaflets, the shades of green, the bird..
I was Alive. And I was One with them.
A sudden Explosion afar, a cracker burst by some little boy. The bird is stunned and looks around in a state of alarm (Relax baby, that’s just us, humans!)
A peculiar thought visits me.. “What if the bird there dropped dead?” And strangely, the answer comes simultaneously with the question, “So what? Doesn’t mater. The Life is Alive.”
I remember Chandran had said something in a similar vein, about death, in one of our group sessions. And, in my mind, I had wanted to kill him then and there; with an axe, a spade, a table lamp- anything!
So there Is this route to Enlightenment available to me too- Nature. Never knew it. Never had the time, patience, or inclination for it. Rather I preferred the shortcut- close your eyes, concentrate on a syllable and presto! Get transported to a different Plane altogether!
And now this sudden appreciation and longing for Nature. I wish I could be left alone with Her for sometime.