Saturday, May 30, 2009

Splattering of words from life…

There is the heat of my groins, and the heat of my heart

When will I find Somebody who can awaken both in me?

 

The mother sea has ever tossed me on the shores of life

Never to quench my thirst fully…

 

Yet, if I believe in her, I should believe there is somebody

Made for me, in my image, my twin flame, my soul mate,

 

What does a Youth look for at 31?

Wealth and riches, destiny and love…

Why would the gods think I want none?

 

Somebody called me a “loser” years ago

He had fire in his heart,

He had taken away my beloved

What knows he, how rich the desert was!

 

Yet, back from the wild

I live in an unknown city;

I have no identity

To call my own

 

I am nameless

Friendless

Homeless, Loveless,

Famished…!

 

But I carry a fire in my belly!

This is a new desert, with its own delusions!
-GoldenBoy

(Image belongs to Susan Haywood-Smith : http://www.hibiscusart.com/Gallery.htm and is called “Fire of Life”)

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Friday, May 29, 2009

A Fresh New Pursuit - Prosperity!

It feels sad at times that I woke up to the Dream of money and material prosperity so late!!

 

Especially when I am not able to attend workshops or events I would really like to, for self-development etc.

 

Yet 31 is not too late! And having gone through the entire experience (it was almost as if an entire life- the past 10-11 years!), I have no regrets! I have promised my friend- the investment broker- that I will invest crores of money with him soon! And I am serious when I say that. I have complete Faith. (Enthusiasm they say, is faith set on fire)
 

Looking back, I see that my friends started off looking for money first, and are now busy looking for their soul.

 

I, for one, started out looking for my soul first, and on the journey now I wish to have money (Dena walla jab bhi deta, deta chappad faad ke, they say in Mumbai).

 

The horizons of my dream are as wide as the frontiers of my spirit! The happiness and joy in my heart is equivalent to the blue sky, as it looks for new greener avenues (more materialistic than spiritual)

 

Houses, wealth, a rewarding profession, romance, many relationships, a rewarding life!

 

They are equally worth striving for!

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Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Maeri… (Ma, what good is victory, if there are no friends?)

Teriyaan, meriyaan pul gaya Pul gaya haar te jeet Hey maaye ki karna main jeet nu Howey na je meet, howey na je meet I’ve forgotten yours and mine, forgotten of losses and wins, Ma, what good is a victory if there are no friends… if there is no friend… (Translation of a Sufi stanza)
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Saturday, May 23, 2009

We the People: The spirit of a Hindu

In the modern spiritual-religious world where Monotheism (or else Atheism) is a fad now, Hinduism still remains mainly a Polytheist faith.

 

So the Sea Goddess (Kadala amma), the spirit of the land and the house (Vastu Purush) is appeased, Planets (Griha Devatas) are worshipped for protection against bad planetary influences as per one’s astrological natal-chart (horoscope), Ganesha the elephant headed God is appeased before the commencement of any auspicious endevour, Goddess Lakshmi is worshipped for Wealth, the Snake God (Naga Devata) is worshipped for protection, apart from one’s own Guru who is acknowledged as a form of God too.

 

And through this worship of different Gods and Goddesses of the faith, the character of the Indians, which is truly Hindostani has developed through the ages.

 

An Indian can be one of the most superstitious among all the different races of the world. Majority of Indians still live in small towns and villages, which until recently had no access to electricity.

 

No wonder then, that communities living in total dependence on Nature, in wooded places, hot climate that could bring with it diseases and death; believed completely on different divine spirits which they worshipped- whether it was the spirit of a particular holy tree, a river, ancestors, or animals like snake and elephants.

 

Trust, thus comes very easily, to this culture. We can easily trust total strangers!

 

And even as the crores of gods and goddesses of the Hindu pantheon provide people with easy access to a particular god/goddess  that suits their temperament or nature, it has also led to a distinct characteristic in-bred in most Indians – sycophancy.

 

Apart from this, Hindus had a very hierarchical society (the Caste system- Varnas). Due to this, there is always a respect for authority in personal or social life.

 

Lord Hanuman, widely worshipped in India, is a Monkey God, who called himself the “Dasa” (slave) of Ram, the divine incarnation of Lord Vishnu.

 

Hinduism lays a lot of emphasis on Bhakti, the nearest word is Greek ‘agape’ (In the original Greek, Jesus asks Simon, “Do you have agape for me?” Do you have unconditional love for me? Are you going to lay down your life for me?)

 

Hanuman had that unconditional love for his Master.

 

Most of the Hindus thus may place a high regard for people in authority, a sense of Bhakti that passes on for people in authority.

 

As the later part of the Vedas (the Vedanta) placed high importance on Karma (one’s duties), a person may feel very strongly obliged to be hard-working in his field of work.

 

Rituals are performed in elaborate fashion for the worship of gods and goddesses as laid down in the holy scriptures.

 

That explains the Indian love for Indianish courtesies like women covering their head in presence of her in-laws, touching the feet of elders, teachers or any person he/she holds in high-respect. Any true Hindu would touch the book to his forehead if he touches it by mistake with his leg.

 

Even monogamy (having only one wife), which is now a law for all Hindus in India, comes due to high regard for Lord Ram (one of the deities of Hinduism who promised his wife Sita total monogamy)

 

Hindus have a high regard for the law of the land, which springs from their inherent belief in a Higher law called the Universal law (Dharma) that punishes evildoers.

 

Taking care of elders, pilgrimage, daily bath (we taught the westerners the importance of taking bath and keeping oneself clean – Romeo and Juliet probably never brushed their teeth, even as we have had strong teeth as long back as 1500-2000 years, thanks to the branch of the Neem tree that is still used in villages to keep the teeth clean and healthy)

 

One last thing, I would like to mention here is the unique sense of holding things “sacred”, which comes naturally to a Hindu. So he holds the earth and nature sacred, as his/ her own mother; and regards relationship, things, all living beings etc as sacred.

 

Even as the Hindus have advanced beyond evil practices like Sati (self-immolation of a widow on the pyre of her husband), and old-fashioned ways of living like child-marriage, and are beginning to look at newer ways of living like widow-remarriage – there are certain characteristics that are inherently Indian which will survive for ages to come.

 

These are also the very characteristics that have contributed to the survival of the Indian Civilization even when Egyptian, Mayan, Roman civilizations bit the dust.

 

 

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Friday, May 22, 2009

The Final Truth !

I am a wound

Filled with pus

Touch

And I will bleed

 

-x-x-x-

 

I am a part of the stars

Of the ocean

The thick dark woods

Of eternal energy

 

Yet I am a sum

Of cravings

And Instincts

(Beyond my control)
Of a million generations
Who lived before me
 

I am free as a bird

Yet narrow-visioned

Like a reined-in horse

I cannot be anything else

But my instincts

All I have is a choice.

But don’t expect too much

Out of me

 

-x-x-x-

 

I try to rein-in people

I try to get my way

Yet life is a lonesome journey

In a caravan of people marching together

This is the only Truth I need to know

 

Useless is the question

Of who I am

All I could do

Is live one day at a time!
-goldenboy

(The picture used above is a depiction of Naranath Branthan - literally meaning the ‘madman of Naranath’. One day a man from his village inquired him why people call him Bhranthan - an insane. He replied “I know me very well. So I am accepting whatever they call me, as it doesn’t change who I am. But many around me, who are more insane than me are not admitting that. That is the only difference between others and me.” )
(Interesting read: The ancient folklore of Kerala: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parayi_petta_panthirukulam)

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Thursday, May 21, 2009

I, the Polytheist

In my puja-altar stand figures of beautiful gods and goddesses, the ones I worship. That makes me wonder if I am a Polytheist. And the answer is I am.

 

There are a lot of people out there who frown at the word ‘Polytheism’. Somewhere in modern minds, be it Hindu, Moslem or Christian the idea that there could be any higher force apart from One Single God is totally absurd, if not sacrilegious.

 

Then there are people who call themselves Buddhists or Atheists who don’t believe in God. My ancestors were Hindu Brahmins, who hailed from Karnataka. They came under the sway of the then modern thought, that swept through the land of Hindostan (India), of the missionaries of Ashoka the Great, and adopted Buddhism. They paid dear, for they were cast out of the society and had to leave their homeland and move to the ever welcoming, all-faith encompassing (erstwhile) Indian State of Malabar. Strange, that later generations took to Hinduism, perhaps due to the later Cultural Revolution led by Adi Shankaracharya (the founder of modern Hinduism).

 

Even as my cousins in Kerala are staunch Communists (the sway of EMS Namboodaripad- the head of first democratically elected Communist government)! Karl Marx is said to have quoted- “Religion is the opium of the Masses”.

 

My mom is ‘the liberal’ of the sixties’ and seventies’ India. All through her life she never gave a thought to any God or religion. She just led her life.

 

And what am I?

 

I am a staunch Polytheist, who believes in the wisdom of Vedas. That makes me a Hindu (As per the Supreme Court Judgement of The State of India)

 

Before mankind was able to tame the forces of nature, before electricity lit our evenings, before we came out of our isolations as smaller communities, we believed in higher spirits. According to Hindu belief any space that gains existence as a separate entity, whether in a body in the form of a living being or a rock, or spirit, has life-force-energy called Prana. And they come at different levels of consciousness.

 

Worshipping, paying tribute to, or acknowledging the presence of such Pranas- who are more evolved in consciousness compared to our own selves, lead us into the field of that Prana…unity with their Consciousness.

 

And thus, Hindus respect the elderly (“they have seen more autumns”, we say), the twice-born (Brahmins), the Guru (the dispellers of Darkness of ignorance, our teachers) and every spirit that abides in the Universe…

 

And I am happy to be a Polytheist.

 

(Hindu hymn to the goddess durga)

Durga durgarti samani durga padvinivarini

Durgamacchedini durga sadhini durga nasini

 

The reliever of difficulties, one who bestows peace ,

One who dispels difficult adversities, who cuts down obstacles,

One who disciplines and one who destroys and removes difficulties…

 

To durga devi my salutations!

 (the photograph used in this article is that of an artiste performing Kathakali - a highly stylised classical Indian dance-drama which originated in the southern Indian state of Kerala -erstwhile: Malabar, during the 16th century AD, approximately between 1555 and 1605)

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Monday, May 18, 2009

Money! Money! Money!

In all these years, money was a dirty word.

 

As all Indians I was brought up to believe that earning too much money would somehow invite the wrath of gods and instill in me an arrogance! It was a perfect gateway to falling prey to the Devil himself. All the sins flowed in with money.

 

Having never actually been conscious of this negative attitude to wealth, I never questioned it. So there it remained in some unfathomable closet of my mind, making me averse to any avenue of earning more than what was required, or could afford me more than “my daily bread”.

 

I even coined a new Email ID for myself, using the word Dervish.

 

Losing all possessions, never really wanting wealth, living the way of the Dervish, became my way of life.

 

And even though I did everything to keep me alive, and to pay my bills and fees, so that there was nothing I owed anybody… I still never could go against my instinct of aversion to wealth.

 

Till I faced a situation recently where the very community that I was keen on being a part of, for spiritual growth, decided to throw me out on one of the excuses, of my “incapacity to pay” their fees downright. This even when I had always maintained a clean credit history, paying all dues, perhaps late but never having them to write off my debts.

 

That did it. It was the very stabbing that my spirit needed “to become broad awake”.

 

In this consumerist society where everything can be bought for money, I have learnt my lessons the hard way. And 31 is not a very late age to learn some good lessons in money.

 

I have bought a poster that shows “my first Billion dollars” cash, each note staked one above the other in columns of currency notes…! What a perfect way to visualize and stick to a new goal! So that never again in future, I would be turned down on the pretext of not having enough money!

 

After all, everything comes at a price! Isn’t it?

 

Malharwaari (marathi)
Malhar waari motiyan dyave bharun,
Nyay tar deva, deva mi jaato dhurun… 

The simple (uncomplicated) folk of a rural Maharashtrian village- Jejuri, sing that the God should meet his demand of filling his “malhar wari” (a belonging taken on the journey) with pearls. He threatens God that if He fails to meet this demand of his, he will not set his feet inside the temple premises, but just pass by as a stranger.

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Tuesday, May 12, 2009

The song of the Devil

In all the chaos of my mind,

In the suffering and turmoil

Of my eventful days and nights!

Do you hear me?

 

In all my tantrums and whims

In all the abuse and killings

I ask for thy Love

Quietly! (my way)

 

Lost and abandoned child of God

An Angel banished

The child of Devil himself

Do you see me?

 

In the deep recesses of your mind

I lurk, a silent shadow

I am the bad guy, the villain

Your mom always warned you against

 

I am the thief, I am the rebel,

The rapist, the murderer, the abuser,

The Devil, in the Garb of man,

Himself!

 

Love me or hate me,

Keep me or throw me,

Sustain me, or kill me

I am as much a part of you!

 

I can only be conquered,

By Love…

 

 -Photograph Courtesy - Dead Man Walking (1995) 

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Monday, May 11, 2009

Moving closer to Our Truer Self

As night dawns, and sleep descends, dreams paint rich metaphors on the canvas of my mind…


 

‘I am a prisoner within the walls of a small kingdom where a mendicant rules with an iron fist, he is infested with an Alien strain… He treats the “Ashram” inmates as slaves for labour, using his alien-infection as a weapon for domestication of people. A group of people try their best not to get infected, and one day I run away…’

 

‘I am a newbie, a foreigner, feeling quite alien, in a clan of fisherfolk who live in the sea in houseboats armed with bows and arrows!’

 

-x-x-x-

 

These are alternate realities, realities I say because these are pictures from our subconscious. For my rationale mind the place I visited in February was an ashram, but for the subconscious it was a small kingdom where a mendicant (a dreaded figure in my family) ruled with an iron fist. In another perspective of my subconscious mind, my life in a city where the locales are now claiming their original rights as the first inhabitants, my subconscious feels like an Alien “in the
port of Mumbai which originally belongs to fisher folk”.

 

Even as our conscious mind born in childhood, tries to contain our experiences within the shared realm of common experience, and we colour every matter and issue in the prevalent perspective, which we call as the common reality of “modern” people, we are actually trying to standardize things and people according to the present (modern) labeling of good and bad, right and wrong.

 

But at a deeper level and perhaps truer level, we individually inherit the reality of our ancestors. Even as you and I take part in this common reality (shared and common perspective) of the world, we miss the larger perspective- the longings and blood ties encoded deep in our DNA, of people who shared different realities, different perspectives, different values and culture, who lived in isolation from the rest of the world till a century ago for ages! Our blood-imprints and instincts shriek and call from deep within our subconscious.

 

So what if I never visited my native place Kerala, or never lived in a tribal community where relationships took precedence over individual life!

 

My current life and perspective is just one reality of the Conscious mind, a mere result of my 20 years of upbringing which is not even 10% of who I really am.

 

For my patterns of behaviour come from my deeper subconscious inherited from changing habitats and complex reactions and strains of different relationships in the community that my ancestors lived in, and adopted for survival. I am a product of all their whims and fancies, all their conditioning. I am a surviving megaprint of all that they had lived through the ages… the closest megaprint being that of my own sibling.

 

The question I wish to raise here, and draw attention to is: How can just 20-30 years of upbringing form my reality or identity of who I am? Yes, these 20-30 years will matter as long as I live constricted in the realms of my conscious mind and in the realm of our common modern reality. But our conscious mind is only 10% of who we are and what the reality is.

 

For deep within, the dreams that I mentioned here at the beginning of this essay (of living in a kingdom, of living in the virgin land of fisher folk), are different perspectives of looking at things! And perhaps they are truer realities and perspectives, perhaps the correct communal reality of our subconscious minds, whether they bring us closer to each other or not but they definitely would bring us closer to truth and thus understanding our real self.

 

(I have tried my best to express above, something that is perhaps beyond the scope of words.)

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Thursday, May 7, 2009

The song of Elijah…

Ages, been dead…

Numb… static… standstill…

Lost… unmoving… stunned…

Bewildered…

 

Arisen from the dead…

Ready to bleed…

Be bled… Now!

Frozen no more in time…

 

I breathe again

Air fills my lungs…

I cough, unsettled…

Disturbed… ruffled…

Shaken…stirred…

Bombarded… stricken!

 

The world hurts… no more silent…

Goes by abuzz… fast… rapid…

The ground beneath my feet…

Chaotic… Lose…

Quaking…

Giving in…

 

I find myself

Infirm… unbalanced…

Natal-chord bleeding.

Surprised, taken aback

Stunned, stripped…

Confused…

 

But if this is what Life is

I really do want to Live…

Not going back to the Dead, no!

 

Anymore!

No more!

No!

-suresh

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