I suffer again from the torment of the need to express. Should write till this fever exists…
Golden Boy never hesitated to “rush in where angels fear to tread”. He wrote boldly on sexuality, took sides in burning issues of the day-domestic and internatioal, and wrote at length about his own trials and tribulations.
However over the year, after passing through yet another alchemical transformation of a romantic heartbreak (romantic encounters always kicked me to another low, another spiritual high), and suffering in the fire of inner spiritual turmoil…. I now see the absurdity of taking stances on any issue.
Writing at Desicritics.org was a unique experience- a collective blog that is no longer existent in cyberspace, where there were no boundaries to what one could express. There I experienced how the power of words, the high voltage of of emotions, and the high intoxication on one’s political ideology could cut sharply through one’s psyche. In the beamlight of cyberspace, I used to get too carried away with words, opinions, and extreme disagreements.
Looking back, I see the absurdity of it all! May be, I won a few hearts over to my ideologies. Maybe a few had to retreat from their ideologies owing to my sharp use of sarcastic words and expressions. Yet in the whole game, even I was equally wounded, often brutally, in the war of words, sometimes by other writers and at times by commentators. Those were feverish days, and looking back I feel exhausted today for then I was possessed with the ghosts of conflict and war, even when I was not writing. I wonder if it is another year that has been added to my age, or a real mellowing down within, that makes me wonder at the high energy I possessed in those days.
So why do I write all this here?
Just to say that Golden boy today does not wish to engage in any war of words. I think now that words can only inspire people’s mind, to war, to peace. Only when words come from a deep source of wisdom, without filtering through one’s own prejudices, conditioning and strong ideologies, does it affect positive change in society. The Pen being a Sword, is no theoritical hyperbole. It is a fact, and the responsibility on both sides, on the part of the writer and the reader, is great.
In the last one year, even as the spring of my expression through words had completely dried up, I was passing through a great inner turmoil.
There could be no one truth in a democracy, take it as boon or bane. So writers need to do a great soul-searching.
Only words that can touch on Truth, can be bi-partisan, never clinging to any ideology, describing things as the way one perceives it, can do justice with the art and duty of writing. But even with all the soul-searching and being torched by the fire of one’s Truth, what would emerge would be words tinted by the limitations of being caged in one’s physical self. I think that is the greatest of Human Dilemma and limitation of being a writer.
For me now, as I see it, the spring of expression has started flowing once again. So if there is the inspiration to write, it would be unjust to limit its flow.
I would like to think that this time, I understand the great responsibility that comes with expressing of words. However I also understand that the sole responsibility of expression does not lie completely with the writer. Even the reader has the responsibility in discriminating between what he feels genuine and that which he finds are shallow words, words expressed in a moment of reaction.
I feel that ultimately, we the one’s called to write, need to do the best we can, and the Truth will do its work through us. Only that one has to be doubly careful in penning down and reading words, in a world which is increasingly finding itself torn in a conflict with its own self.
Ironically, while what we write could be scary and ugly at times, for so are the realities today, the measure of Truth in our words would be how closer do our words help Humanity move forward towards Honesty, Love and Beauty.
P.S: I should run now, for the hands of the clock tick away, and more I stay here at the cyber cafe, the more I will be monetarily charged. So bye for now.